I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I party with great urgency now.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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