its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
