i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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