Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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