she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
