Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
