i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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