I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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