I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize