cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
