Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
