Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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