I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
