did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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