after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize