just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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