3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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