the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
