just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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