At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
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I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
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So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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