Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I want to walk on stilts...naked
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
