it wasn't lemon gatorade
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
