So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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