I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
