I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
