pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
