Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
