party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
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