Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
