I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
