Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
