Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
