we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
