it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
