Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
