if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize