well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
