Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
