I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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