Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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