She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
