Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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