I'm jealous of your bromance
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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