then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
