just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize