Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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