need another drink. this is the easiest way
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
