Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
