one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
