Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
