"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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