Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
