id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
