Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...

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  (817): Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch... http://tfl.nu/5oqr
  Replies (5) Good night (1255) Bad night (670)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.

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  (410): You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone. http://tfl.nu/z0lf
  Replies (25) Good night (564) Bad night (1496)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.

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  (270): The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home. http://tfl.nu/2p12
  Replies (59) Good night (3850) Bad night (1167)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?

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  (303): she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out? http://tfl.nu/1nw7
  Replies (69) Good night (10271) Bad night (1207)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.

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  (304): My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within. http://tfl.nu/zogn
  Replies (10) Good night (698) Bad night (3275)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.

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  (614): This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old. http://tfl.nu/nedp
  Replies (105) Good night (1889) Bad night (5662)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?

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  (231): OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend? http://tfl.nu/ma89
  Replies (80) Good night (2310) Bad night (15358)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.

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  (716): I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight. http://tfl.nu/0gxd
  Replies (11) Good night (2155) Bad night (802)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.

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  (269): There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now. http://tfl.nu/59k6
  Replies (9) Good night (1506) Bad night (601)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha

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  (317): I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha http://tfl.nu/cxju
  Replies (7) Good night (2095) Bad night (406)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.

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  (608): AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY. http://tfl.nu/l84n
  Replies (2) Good night (707) Bad night (354)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.

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  (618): You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there. http://tfl.nu/4ob2
  Replies (6) Good night (922) Bad night (480)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?

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  (814): Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids? http://tfl.nu/tder
  Replies (3) Good night (588) Bad night (296)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that

  (972): View more from Texas

  How awkward

  (214): View more from Texas

  Yeah it's pretty fucked up

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  (214): They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that (972): How awkward (214): Yeah it's pretty fucked up http://tfl.nu/97bk
  Replies (6) Good night (527) Bad night (314)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again

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  (602): I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again http://tfl.nu/of7p
  Replies (1) Good night (377) Bad night (165)

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