I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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