but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
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They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
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Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you