Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.