Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city