...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Randomize
