hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
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I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.