Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.

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(804): View more from Virginia

Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(704): View more from North Carolina

this is really not the time to pretend we have morals

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(940): View more from Texas

You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.

(518): View more from New York

So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city

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