Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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