Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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