They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
