I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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