Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
