How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
