remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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