the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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