I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
