Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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