I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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