Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
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We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
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You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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