i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
