you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
