Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
