addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
