i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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