we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
