this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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