mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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