You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
