im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
