So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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