found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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