whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
