Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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