So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
